C'est Une Affiche
Information Lyrics
This is a song I wrote in French. It is about a poster (l'affiche) of the Eiffel Tower (La Tour Eiffel). There's a hidden play on words in the chorus, but you can figure it out for yourself as many have already. If you're interested in a literal translation, don't bother. The song really isn't about anything, it just goes into a brief history of the tower and it's all about longing to go to a place that's far away where you've never been (incidentally, by the time I finished writing this song, I'd been to the Eiffel Tower already). I think it might be a little short. Should I add a verse to it? It is fun to play on accordion while singing, too. The music of Yves Montand and Edith Piaf were large influences; I think it has a very distinct French feel to it. I think the first few times Ron heard it he didn't even know that it was an original! If you're familiar with the work of Salvatore Adamo, it should be obvious enough where further inspiration for this song originates. Traces of his "C'est Ma Vie" and "Vous Permettez, Monsieur?" can be heard. For those that don't know Adamo, he's this Italo-Belgian singer/songwriter from back in the 1960s and 1970s, and he was like the biggest thing in Europe for years. When I was in Geneva, Switzerland in June 2003, I found an Oldies station ("Nostalgie") on which I heard "C'est Ma Vie," in fact. Ron went to school with Adamo's son Ben while he (Ron) lived in Belgium. Il y avait, une affiche qui montrait
La Tour Eiffel
Quand on la voit, on sait vraiment de quoi
L'affiche s'agit-elle

C'est une affiche
Que j'accroches sur le mur
C'est une affiche
Une affiche de la tour

Tout le monde sait, le monument qui a été
Construit d'acier
Dans l'année qui marquait, la centième après
Revolution française


Et personne ne connais cette affiche comme je la connais
Et quelque jour je vais visiter la tour qu'il m'a montré
Quelque jour je peux voler, au pays où je vais bien
Je te demandes, peut-on m'arréter? Je dis non, personne, rien

Il y avait, une affiche qui montrait
La tour de mes rêves
Et quand je la vois, je me souviens pourquoi,
La tour, elle m'éléve


La tour, de mes rêves


Good News!
Information Lyrics
I first started comin' up with this song in summer 2001 (that's when I made the riff up). Then I thought it'd be sweet to write one of those songs where the singer never takes a breath and just keeps running on and on and on about something and all the lyrics are really close together, sort of like that Reunion song "Life Is A Rock (But The Radio Rolled Me)." While I didn't achieve the perfection of that particular song, and indeed I didn't even personally fulfill my own aspirations for the song, it's still a pretty catchy number, and when Bill (Michalski) grinds out that solo, it's like "Sweet." I don't actually make airplane models, there's no such place as "Glueland" (to my knowledge), I've been known to sing diff'rent lyrics for the last verse/chorus, and my favorite shoes, if I had to say, are prob'ly Converse All-Star Chuck Taylor baskeball shoes (I have like six pair in all diff'rent colors). I went down to the shoe store that's on the corner
And I asked the guy who was behind the counter
If the store that I was in carried my fav'rite shoes
Well this guy the one I told you about before
He went back to what I'd only a-
ssume was some type of storage facility type thing

When he came back
He had a look
Upon his face
That said "Bad News"
...But in his hands, I saw the shoes:
Good news!

I was almost finished with an airplane model
When the rubber cement that I had
Used ran out and I was forced to get a little more
Well because I'm lazy and Jeopardy! was on
I told my annoying little sis-
ter that she had better go and get me some more glue
(At Glueland)

When she came back
She looked quite mad!
I thought "Oh no!
Not Glueland, too!"
...Then in her hand, I saw the glue:
And ya know that's good news!


So if this song were, in fact, so well thought out and
I, the one who wrote the thing in the
First place had decided it would be full of such things
As morals and themes and well let's face it any
Semblance of a unified structure
You might be inclined to hereby note the following:

This song's about
Fulfilled potential
But also teaches us that panic is a
A suitable but ineffective
Way to deal with things...

Good News!


Holiday Rockin'
Information Lyrics
This song was written for the second annual Xmas Round II Musical Bonanza Blowout (which took place on 12 January, 2003). It will first be featured (soon!) on the local compilation "A Very Bert Dax Christmas, Vol. 3" as put out by Matt Harnish of Bunnygrunt, the Brown Company, and workin' at Vintage Vinyl fame. It was chiefly inspired by Bunnygrunt songs (like "Season's Freaklings"), in fact! It is a Christmas Carol of sorts, and it seems to simultaneously say a whole lot and nothing at all. But like the song says, don't read into it, just rock out. Cuz isn't that what the holidays are all about?

RØB Severson: Piano, Fake Carol Bells, Bass Guitar, Tin Whistle, Bass Drum, Vocals (Plus Lounge Singer, Request Voices, and "Auld Lang Syne" Vocals)

Ron Warner: Guitar, Drums, Fake Tuba, Request Voices/"Auld Lang Syne" Vocals

Catburger McMillan: Request Voices/"Auld Lang Syne" Vocals

Cecil Mortimer: Request Voices/"Auld Lang Syne" Vocals

Recorded, Sequenced (Where Applicable), & Mixed by Ron Warner at The Music Room in We Love My Nose Studios; Wildwood, MO

I've spent one too many Christmas pasts
Wond'rin' how long the thing could last
Seen carolers wand'rin' in the snow,
Salvation Army Santas, wherever ya go

Hannukah's menorah, up on the wall
Never did it for ya, like shoppin' at the mall...But

This year the holidays are for rockin' and rollin'
Christmas cheer and a swig of beer, and the carol bells are tollin'
Get in gear, yes listen here, to the words I'm repeating
Make no mistake, grab a piece of fruitcake...
And rock along to my Season's Greeting

I've been waitin' in this line all day,
Wonderin' how I'm gonna pay
Eight times more than these gifts are worth
It's time to find another way to celebrate Christ's birth

Take off your snow boots, put on yer dancin' shoes
Forget those guys in red suits, we'll rock away your holiday blues


I'm sick of all this Christmas and Hannukah stuff,
Kwanzaa, Tet, and Ramadan, I've had enough
Who cares if it's all just a commercial tool?
I'll use any excuse I can to light up the yule, and I've

Found a solution, for making so much more
Of a New Year's resolution, grab a partner and get out on the floor

Commercial Christmases are always such a bore
(why don't you just)
Take down your Christmas tree and throw it out the door?
(and then you can)
Heed my advice, you know, I've told you thrice before
(get on your feet)
Show you know how to dance...

You might have taken note of the ambiguous nature
Of this makeshift Christmas carol, but these days
Finding parody versions of your holiday's songs is like
Shooting fish in a barrel, so don't you
Undertake to find out what the meaning of this song is,
It can only leave a person in great peril, this song's for
Rocking and for rolling so I want you to quit thinking...
And rock along to my Season's Greeting!


Make-Believe Girl
Information Lyrics
I wrote this song sometime in mid- to late 2002, as with most of my early batch of songs. It was based on the lyric "If I'm not mistaken, she's a girl who's been taken," which came to my brain one day. Stylewise and content-wise, the song is a tribute to dreamy pre-Beatles American pop, most notably the Penguins' "Earth Angel," the Everly Brothers' "All I Have To Do Is Dream," Bobby Darin's "Dream Lover," and Roy Orbison's "In Dreams." Originally I wanted a female vocalist for it, and to call it "Make-Believe Boy," but you'll have to use your imagination on that one for now (first of all since I have no available recordings of it, and second of all cuz I have never even performed it, let alone recorded it, with the slightly altered lyrics and the female vocal). I'm currently seeking the aid of someone who can sing like Brenda Lee, Connie Stevens, Connie Francis, Patsy Cline, or (preferably) a combination of two or more of those singers. Tonight you're mine, but tomorrow I'll awaken
Only to find, that my heart is a-achin'
Just for tonight, please be my make-believe girl

Only in dreams, is your hand holding mine
And so it seems, for the six millionth time
I'll wake up soon, to find you're just a make-believe girl

Oh I know, that it's true
You exist but the fact remains,
I'm me, and you, well, you're you
It's a shame, to Admit
That the time's come for me to give up,
But I simply can't quit


It's a shame, you exist
In a world where your status remains
Unattainable bliss
How I long, for the day
When you are my love,
And no pinching can take you away

Sleeping you're mine, but if I'm not mistaken
In real life, you're a girl who's been taken
Taken, by a boy...who's not make believe
Taken, by a boy...who's not make believe
Taken, by a boy...who's not make believe.


The Good Mayor
Information Lyrics
This song was inspired musically by the White Stripes (go figure?) and local band of yesteryear The Star Death. Somehow it doesn't even remotely sound like anything that either of those bands would ever do, though. It's a song about my favorite character in the McDonaldland canon. Yes, before Birdie, before the Fry-Guys, there was Officer Big Mac (who had a Big Mac for a head--maybe I should add a verse about him) and Mayor McCheese. In the early 1990s, they started to phase them out of the public McDonalds image more, and now "Mayor McCheese" is more of a late night talk show host joke than anything (unfortunately). Rest assured, though; at one time, the good Mayor reigned supreme. Recognize it. Love it. Mayor Mayor Mayor Mayor Mayor Mayor Mayor Mayor
Mayor Mayor Mayor Mayor Mayor Mayor Mayor McCheese
Mayor Mayor Mayor Mayor Mayor McCheese
Mayor Mayor Mayor Mayor Mayor McCheese
Mayor Mayor Mayor Mayor Mayor McCheese
Mayor Mayor Mayor Mayor Mayor McCheese
Got a burger for a head, and that's all right with me

Mayor Mayor Mayor Mayor Mayor McCheese
Mayor Mayor Mayor Mayor Mayor McCheese
Got a burger for a head, and that's all right with me
Mayor Mayor Mayor Mayor Mayor McCheese
Seems that McDonaldland's been taken over
By that no-talent Ronald and a bunch of nobodies

So tell the little children about the good Mayor
One day they gonna grow and they may not have a prayer
Of knowin' who that burger-headed Mayor is
They only gonna know about that stupid clown and his
Little friends at that time whoever they be
But everybody know the real chief of McDonaldland is
Mayor Mayor Mayor Mayor
Mayor Mayor Mayor Mayor
Mayor Mayor Mayor Mayor
Mayor Mayor Mayor Mayor
Mayor Mayor Mayor Mayor
Mayor Mayor Mayor Mayor
Mayor Mayor Mayor Mayor
Mayor Mayor Mayor McCheese!


Ninety-One Blue-Green Volvo 240
Information Lyrics
This one seems obvious enough; it's a definite nod to car songs of the late '50s and early '60s by bands like the Hondells, the Beach Boys, and Jan & Dean (much like Charlie Ryan's 1964 "Hot Rod Lincoln," later done good by Commander Cody & His Lost Planet Airmen in 1971 and Bill Kirchin live in 1997, a truly awesome version). Oh, and let's not forget "Little GTO" by Ronny & The Daytonas. It's sorta surfish, and as I'm so fond of doing so, the references to other songs abound. Try 'n' find 'em all. Also, it's not really a true song anymore, but when I wrote it in 2002 (I'm pretty sure it was 2002 as the lyric "that car is thirteen years old" was originally "that car's eleven years old"), everything the songs says was true. It doesn't have an antenna anymore at all (some a-hole vandal ripped 'er out) and it shakes, jolts, rumbles, and jerks all the durn'd time now, assuming it doesn't just straight up shut off while I'm driving. Such is life. I have no plans to replace it any time within the next coupla years, I'll prob'ly just throw some money at the problem and hope some mechanics can take care of 'er. The Bluefin Tuna, I calls 'er. Well, ya know I get from place to place with that car in my garage
It ain't no fifty-seven Chevy or brand-new shiny red super-stock Dodge
No four-oh-nine, no little deuce coupe, no T-Bird, no Mitsubishi Mirage

Well I drive an automatic and some people say that makes me lame
But with her sunroof, extra big trunk and cassette player I love 'er the same
As any bonehead muscle car driver who calls his car by a woman's name
Well, it's a

Ninety-one blue-green Volvo 240
It's a ninety-one blue-green Volvo 240
It's a ninety-one blue-green Volvo 240
Gets me where I drive...

Oh I just love her power locks although the passenger side one doesn't work
And her antenna only goes down to half-mast, but that's another small quirk
That car is thirteen years old, it never shakes or jolts or rumbles or jerks

And I'm not worried about crashin' cuz I know that car, it's built like a tank
Yes, for the craftsmanship thereof, I guess I have the Swedish people to thank
Yeah when those car reports come out each year the Swedes are always top of the rank
'Cuz it's a


In fact Volvo is not a Swedish word at all, in latin it means "I Roll"
'Cuz really, what word would work better for a car that always reaches its goal?
And if I didn't know better, I would say that car and I share a soul

She may not be the most aerodynamic thing, but I don't care about that
'Cuz all those souped-up shiny hot rods always get their windows smashed with a bat
And if ya call me a square, I'll say "Hey, look over there!"
You'll see the car where I sat, it's kinda--shaped like a hat
And maybe then you'll realize that I drive the only car of my dreams
Yeah it's a


...it's a Volvo thing, you wouldn't understand.


Thursday Morning
Information Lyrics
This song is supposed to be sorta like a Bruce Springsteen meets the Pretenders kind of thing, I guess. It's all about getting really passionate about a certain time of the week. If anybody out there plays the saxophone, I will buy you a hot fudge sundae for playing saxophone on the recorded version of this song (who knows when that'll be, though). As the post-solo lyrics suggest, this song acts as an homage/parody to/of songs that refer to various times of the week (can you name all eight of the artists and the corresponding songs that are paid tribute in that part of the song?). It seems as though nobody has a song about Thursday morning (as the lyrics suggest as well), so voilą. Hittin' the snooze, on a Thursday morning
Nothin' to lose, on a Thursday morning

Well I think it would do me some good if I just
got to sleep for a mere five minutes more
And what could it hurt? After all I only got one
and a half hours of sleep the night before
So I'll sleep in just a little bit later
on a Thursday morning

Finally get up, on that Thursday morning
It's three hours later, but still Thursday morning
Well what have I done? I missed school, I missed work
and whatever else that I had to do
What a worthless waste of the perfect time
to accomplish all that extra stuff, too
And if nothing else, I coulda grabbed a clean slate
and begun something totally new
At a time of the week about which there's nothing special
on a Thursday morning


Well I've heard "Monday, Monday, you can't trust that day"
And sometimes it's Manic, too
Tuesday Afternoon, you know it's Moody and Blue
And Friday, I'm in love with you
Saturday night, and I ain't got nobody, at the movies
who cares what picture ya see?
It's all right for a fight, and as lonesome as the sound
Of Sunday morning comin' down

I'll sleep when I'm dead, not on Thursday morning
Just resting my head, this time on Thursday morning

Well what else to do at the one part of the week
about which nobody else has written a song?
It can't be important, if nothin' goes right,
but then again, that means nothin' goes wrong
It's not early enough in the week to give you an excuse,
but sleep is still the best thing you've ever tasted
And it's not late enough in the week to give you an excuse,
but somehow last night you still managed to get wasted
Oh, it's the start of a "nothing" day
On a Thursday morning
...A Thursday morning
...A Thursday morning
...A Thursday morning